It’s easy to turn your EI into a tool when you recognize the difference between a reaction and a response. Most of us, by nature or habit, react to a situation instead of responding to it.
What does that mean?
A reaction is instant. It’s driven by the values, preferences, and preconceptions of the unconscious mind. When you say or do something “without thinking,” that’s the unconscious mind running the show. A reaction occurs in seconds and doesn’t consider the long-term effects of what you do or say. Sometimes they turn out okay, but why take the chance? In its most basic form, a reaction is a defense mechanism.
A response, on the other hand, usually comes more slowly. Responses are guided by thought, reflection, and consideration of the relevant factors, and they are often carefully formulated and well-presented. Responses are not usually things that we “shoot from the hip,” but instead offer care, tolerance for differences, and respect for those with whom we interact.
Tips for responding versus reacting:
- Familiarize yourself with the definitions of reacting and responding so you have a clear understanding of the distinctions.
- Simply pay attention. Tune in to what you do or say, recognizing how the outcomes of your reactions and responses differ.
- Pause whenever you feel yourself about to react. Take a deep breath, step back, and give yourself the opportunity to respond.
- When you have reacted unfavorably, take time to reflect and think of how you would have preferred to respond. Play that over a few times in your head or discuss with someone you trust, which will allow you to become comfortable with the process of responding.
Chris Case is the founder of Chris Case Solutions and a consultant at ASBTDC University of Arkansas. She has spent the last 25 years consulting, facilitating, and coaching individuals and organizations with an emphasis on emotional intelligence, conflict, leadership, communication, individual improvement, and team development. Her entrepreneurial spirit and expertise are highly valued by Fortune 100 companies, non-profit organizations, and universities that continue to rely on Case for her unique perspective.
This article is part two of a three-part series about emotional intelligence, which will be linked here after publication. Read part one here and part three here.